It is such a joy to us when we are living in strong, healthy, loving and supportive relationships. There is no denying that to have a relationship with someone (romantic or friendship alike) who adds value to us, who doesn’t expect us to be perfect and loves us with all our funny ways is a wonderful thing.

I was being naughty the other day whilst eating my delicious ‘smashed avo’ in a local cafe because I was eavesdropping a conversation on the table next to me with three ladies. The conversation was around one lady looking for someone to know she was special, someone who would love her for who she is. As I listened, I learnt this lady had been in relationships before and none of those relationships were able to make her feel complete. She wanted someone who could make her feel good about herself, she felt unless she found someone who appreciated her, she would never be able to be happy.

She wanted someone to make her feel complete and loveable. It made me sad to listen to her, I could hear in her two friends replies to her that they were wishing they could help her find this person. One was very empathic towards the whole sad situation and came up with a few suggestions, but none was the answer for this lady. I wanted to speak up and share with this lady that I didn’t think anyone would ever be able to be this person to her until she was very confident of her value and worth without this special person.

I truly believe one of the main reasons couples break up is because the relationship was entered into with very high false expectations that no-one can åfill. When we enter relationships expecting that other person will have the formula that we need to make us feel complete, feel good about ourselves and feel valuable we are setting ourselves up for a huge disappointment. There is no-one out there who can bring that to the table for us, they can add a lot of value, they can love us and bring a lot of happiness into our lives however they can never make us feel complete.

Until we know we are complete without that other person who gives us a lot of joy, love and whatever, we can never be free to be content in any relationship.

We are built for relationships. That is true. However, relationships do not determine our value or our worth, we are just as valuable with or without them. When we go into a relationship with those expectations, we will kill the relationship sooner or later. To put that sort of pressure upon someone is to slowly crush them, yourself and the relationship because no-one can live up to those expectations.

You can’t do it for them, and they can’t do it for you, you both will end up exploding from exhaustion trying to hit the mark of perfection that none of us can. Our worth has to come from within us, it has to come from a source that no-one and nothing can ever take from us. If our worth depends on anything that can be taken from us, we are standing on very shaky grounds.

Our worth can be robbed from us at any time.

I love my husband Rob and all my family however to find my value and worth in them as their wife, mother or grandmother would be a big mistake. I would be putting a huge responsibility upon them that would be very unfair and such a huge load for them to carry. I don’t think it would free them up to become all they are destined to be while carrying such a huge load.

Unfortunately, life isn’t always kind to us and if for some reason they were unable to be around for me and I am putting all my hopes in them being there for me, I would be shattered. We need to be sure of our value with or without other people being there for us. For me, I find this confidence in my relationship with God, no-one and nothing can ever take that away for me, I am special to Him and He is special to me.

What is it that helps you feel complete in yourself? What is it that you have that no-one can ever disturb or take away from you ever? You are more valuable than you know just as you are with or without someone else to tell you so.


Susanna Bateman.